Closing in on Onederland

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If you would have told me a year ago today that I would weigh just over 200 lbs this time next year, I would have laughed at you. I would’ve thought you were crazy.

After all of my attempts at losing weight, all the failures, all of the devastation to my self-esteem and self-confidence, I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have believed my past, not my future.

There’s a huge lesson there. Your past does not determine your future. Forget the past, you can’t do anything about it and it doesn’t define what’s going to happen to you next.

So here I am, 54 weeks into a new life, and I am closing in on Onederland, where the scale starts with a 1, not a 2, not a 3.

It doesn’t seem real. It really doesn’t.

Because this last year has been very challenging both personally and professionally, I haven’t really been able to enjoy the weight loss in the way that I would have liked to.

However there have been great moments along the way, and for those I’m grateful.

I’ve had incredible support through this from my wife. Holly has been my rock, my cheerleader and sometimes the kick in the ass that I needed. This is as much her victory as mine, because without her this never could have happened. Despite frustration at some of my food choices, and a severe dislike for broccoli, she has pushed through, and pushed me through some really hard times.

Others along the way have provided support, encouragement and hope in the difficult times. You know who you are, and I’m so grateful for all you have done for me.

It’s been a long year, but I have grown, and shrunk.

I’ve done something very few people have done, and my hope is to encourage and empower people to experience the wonderful changes that I have found. There truly is hope out there.

You don’t necessarily need medication, surgery, or supplements.

You will need discipline, desire and determination, but those can be built.

I am ready to help people to become the person they can be.

In January of this year, the very generous and kind Ryan Deluca took me flying to celebrate losing 100 lbs, and to help me get over my fear of flying. It was a wonderful day, something I will never forget.

For breaking into Onederland, I’m going to push myself way, way out of my comfort zone. This time, it’s not the flying I am afraid of, it’s the falling. I’ve decided to skydive. This crazy idea started about 2 months ago, and it won’t let me go.

So it’s time to face my biggest fear head on, and see if I can find the courage to throw myself out of a perfectly good aircraft

The late Greg Plitt once said that when you break through fear, the energy that you put into the fear comes back as confidence. I wish Greg were still alive so I could show him what I’m doing. I think he’d approve.

So the weight loss continues, and leads to a date with destiny. Sometime in the near future, I will face my fears, face my future, and face my destiny.

It’s time.

New experiences, new life

It is amazing how transforming your life changes aspects of your life you did not expect. When I started losing weight my goal was to feel better about myself and to hopefully feel less of a fraud as a doctor.

Then when I started losing weight successfully, other avenues opened up.

New experiences that I had never had before, people coming into my life with different experiences, different stories, different opportunities.

I had another one of those recently. On my flight to McCall for lunch, I met a guy named Steven Conner. Along with his partner Dustyn Stevens, they have a created Forge Your Potential, an organization designed to motivate and inspire people to find the best that is in them and to fulfill their true potential.

Part of that organization is a podcast and, on our flight to McCall, I was invited to be a guest on their podcast.

The fact that anybody would want to interview me still makes me laugh. Seriously, why would you want to interview a guy like me?

However, I’m starting to be open to new experiences, new opportunities and new horizons. While I figured there was a good chance that I could make an idiot of myself, I decided to go for it.

I’m so glad I did.

Conner and Dustyn are really amazing people. Intelligent, thoughtful and with a desire to make a difference. If you haven’t checked out their podcast before it, I really recommend that you do. It’s hard hitting, insightful and raw blistering honesty. You can’t listen to what they do without feeling inspired.

In a world full of negativity that tells us that we can’t come Dustyn and Conner will make you believe that you can. And that belief is the most important thing you’ll ever belief.

I had a fantastic time recording this podcast because it felt like I was sitting amongst old friends, just talking about life, goals, dreams and forging your potential.

So the next time you feel the urge to enrich your mind, jump on over to Forge Your Potential and spend a few minutes becoming more than you thought you could be. Follow them on social media as well. You won't regret it and you'll come away inspired and motivated. Facebook. Twitter. Instagram.

And if you're interested in the podcast we did together, you can find it here. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

His example made a difference in my life

Yeah, the picture is slightly blurry, but my memory of this day is as sharp as ever.

This is Greg Plitt. Fitness model, author, motivational speaker, former army ranger. He acted, was on TV, and had an amazing life.

On June 8, 2013, Greg was part of the Bodybuilding.com Fitness Expo in Boise.

Although he was rushed, he spent a couple of minutes talking to me, and then was willing to be photographed with me.

For him, that was an everyday thing. For me, I hated being photographed. I hated how I looked, how I felt and who I was.

But he didn’t see me that way. He made me feel like I could be successful, could change my life. I told him that day that I was going to change. It took me longer than I hoped...but I made it.

But I made it too late.

Greg passed away in an accident on January 17, 2015. A life cut short.

If he were still here, I would find some way to meet him again, show him the picture of who I was, and who I am becoming. I would thank him for how he made me feel, and the hope he gave me. I would try to explain that the 2-3 minutes he spent with me touched my life deeply.

I would tell him that I had made good on what I told him I would do.

I would tell him that his example made a difference in my life.

And I think he would tell me that I had done well, and to go be something better, because he was all about becoming everything you can be.

I’m working on it Greg.

Thank you.

The Next Journey

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The next journey.

When I started my weight loss journey in May 2016, I didn’t really have a time frame. I just knew that I wanted to lose weight and eventually get back to 180 pounds.

Around November I started realizing that I could achieve 100 pounds of weight loss in approximately 8 months and I got excited. What can I say, I like round numbers. :-)

So I set myself a goal of weighing 230 pounds on January 1 and by pushing myself really hard I managed to achieve it. It was amazing to realize I could do this.

But once I reached my goal I realized there was something missing. I was still slowly losing weight, but I didn’t have the drive and the focus the same.

Because I didn’t have a goal.

Don’t worry, I still haven’t cheated or eaten anything that I haven’t planned to. I just haven’t been as mentally focused.

And it struck me again how important the mental focus aspect is.

So now I have a new goal. 130 pounds lost in one year.

My new goal is to weigh 200 pounds (or less) on May 1, 2017.

That would give me 130 pounds in a year. Not too shabby. :-)

To get there I’m going to have to change things up a little bit. Until now, exercise has never been a significant part of this program, but it is becoming so.

I’ve realized that I don’t just want to lose weight, I want to feel fit.

Growing up and always being overweight, fitness was always something that was a negative for me. But over the last few weeks I’ve started to become more and more interested in the idea of fitness, not as an aesthetic, but as a way of life.

Losing weight has made me realize that I can do more things. That my life is not limited. That I have wasted so much time not becoming all I can be, and I’m sick of that.

So now it’s time to strike out for a new destination. Now it’s time to become more, to do more, to serve more and to give more.

Fitness is now going to be a more significant part of my life. I’ve realized I can do this, and now I want it.

So here we go. I’m currently 226 pounds and there are approximately 12 weeks. So I have to lose approximately 2 pounds a week to get to my goal.

So bring it on.

Bring on the focus, bring on the drive, bring on the intensity. Bring on time in the gym, time spent in meditation. Bring on soreness, tiredness and achiness.

Bring all of it.

I’m ready.

Doing something new...

I did something today that I’ve never done before. In fact, until the last few months of my life, it was something that I hated.

I actually paid someone to take a picture of me.

I know, crazy right?

For me, having someone take my picture has always been something to avoid. When you’re morbidly obese, you don’t want anybody to look at you, but you especially don’t want a camera anywhere near you because you don’t want to record that image of you for history.

But I actually paid a professional photographer this morning to take a head shot of me. I assured her that she will have to use a lot of Photoshop to make it look good. :-)

I’m kind of nervous to see how it turns out.

Struggling through the Season

After losing 100 lbs, you'd think that I was on cruise mode. You’d think that I was locked in and safe.

Honestly…no.

Yes, I have eaten “clean” (not off my diet) for 232 consecutive days. That’s right – 232 days. Only twice have I gone over my calories. Once on my son’s graduation, and once on my birthday. Even then, I still ate the foods that work for my eating lifestyle, just in a little larger proportions.

People who have talked to me about my weight loss tell me that they couldn’t do it, and how proud they are of me for being so strong.

Truth is, I thought by now it would be a little easier. But it’s not...

Making changes in your life is never easy. It affects those around you in ways that is easy to overlook. My wife, who loves to cook, has had to endure 232 days of not cooking the kinds of foods that she loves. I think she feels like she is being forced into a ketogenic diet by default, and I know she is struggling with that, even though she tries not to show it.

And the holidays don’t make it any easier. Thanksgiving was especially tough. Being surrounded by family who were eating foods I love, while I ate turkey, ham and stir fried broccoli, was hard.

Now, moving into the Christmas season, I’m faced with even more temptation and pressures.

How do my choices affect those around me…should I have one meal that is not the best for my weight loss…what do we do with all the food that kind people invariably bring as gifts?

One meal would not change anything. Realistically, I could fast the whole day and eat one meal of anything and it wouldn’t significantly change my life.

But I must confess that I am incredibly reluctant to do so…because I am afraid. I am afraid that if I break one time, it will be easier for the next time. And the next, and the next and the next.

I think I’m getting some kind of an idea of how an alcoholic feels. One coke would be too many, and two would never be enough.

I’m trying right now to get to 230 lbs by new years day. That would be 100 lbs lost in 8 months, and 110 lbs overall.

It still feel weird to think of how much I have lost. How much I have changed physically.

And how much I am trying to change mentally.

Truth is, I’m still that 340 lb guy, desperately trying to lose weight, afraid that one wrong move will screw it all up. I’m still ashamed of how I look. I get that it’s better than it was, but it’s still not good enough, and I tremble to think that it may never be.

I have so many goals left to reach – so much of a life to change. Losing weight is only a step on the journey. An important step, a critical step, but it’s not the destination, it’s just a toll booth on the highway.

So I struggle…every day.

I struggle to fight against the negative self talk and the fears that drove me to use food as my drug.

I struggle against the angry teenager who still haunts my soul with his feelings of never being good enough, never fitting in, never feeling whole.

I struggle with the burdens I place on those around me as I try to become the person I feel I owe them.

Mostly, I just fight, because it’s all I can do right now.

I fight for my self esteem, for my hopes for the future and for my dream that I can feel like a “whole, complete and accepted person”. I fight to achieve the life I owe my family. I fight to find a pathway into the future that is better than the past.

But honestly, I think I fight most of all for peace. Peace in my soul, for I have known so little of it lately.

Tony Robbins once said that fat people were just people who were wearing their pain on the outside.

What I’ve found is that as the weight comes off, you have to deal with the pain and struggles that you were suppressing.

And that’s not easy.

But I struggle, and I fight and for today, that has to be enough, because it's honestly all I have.

To those of you who have supported me on this journey, I thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.

While I have to fight this myself, it’s easier with good people in my corner.

Progress Pics 100 lbs lost!

100 lbs lost from this time last year.

This picture is actually from May 1 to Dec 5 of this year - when most of my weight loss has occured.

I'm amazed at how far I've come, but I still have a long way to go.

But for today - I'm happy with it.

What does it mean to you?

Recently I was teaching a small group of 14 year olds about how they can learn to analyze a situation more intelligently. While I don’t know if they got the concept I was trying to get across, I hope that somewhere in their minds they stored this simple phrase…

“It’s never the event – it’s always the interpretation”.

I hope that it will come back to them at a time when they need it most in their lives. I sincerely believe that’s why we teach youth – it’s not that they will understand it right now, but at some point in the future they will see a situation and interpret it as we have taught them to do. Life will provide the example, but how we interpret that example makes all the difference in our lives. We teach kids so that the interpretation is loaded into the subconscious, so they can make the correct interpretation of the event when it occurs.

However, even knowing this truth, as adults we still jump to a conclusion when something happens, not realizing that we might have an option to redefine what the event means to us, so we can make it more empowering.

To some people, the idea that you can redefine your interpretation of an action or an event seems ridiculous. These are the kinds of people who I think of as “reaction machines”. They perceive an event or a situation, and they react to it (either emotionally or physically) without thinking. Have you ever done that on occasion – my guess is that you have, because we all have. Especially in a tense situation, or with someone whom we have an emotional relationship, or just a professional one.

I’ve been married for 20 years now. I can honestly say in that time, we have had very few arguments, and we have never had a “fight”. I define a fight as “when two people who love each other try to hurt the other person rather than come to an agreement about a problem”. I saw too much of that as a child, watching my mother and father fight endlessly about my father’s drinking.

My mother chose to interpret his drinking, and his struggles to provide financially for his family, as an affront to her and to her children, and felt hurt and angry. Imagine the possible differences in her marriage had she been able to interpret his actions differently.

As a child, I was too young to interpret his actions with any perspective. As a young man in my 20s, I too chose to interpret his actions as those of a selfish, immature and cruel man who cared more about his own pleasure and enjoyment than he did about his family’s welfare.

Now, as a 46 year old, I have chosen to interpret his actions differently. As I have learned more about people, and they way our minds work, I have come to interpret his actions as a desperate attempt to self medicate his own pains and grief. Himself a product of a dysfunctional childhood, he struggled with his own demons, and was trying to survive as best he knew how. Did he make great choices – no, but I choose to believe that he was trying to do his best.

I don’t think how I chose to interpret his actions as a young man made any great difference to him. I’m not sure that he would care how I choose to interpret them now. We haven’t spoken in years – and I don’t expect we will ever have a meaningful conversation about it in the future, if any conversation.

But the change in my interpretation has affected me profoundly. For years I carried around anger, hatred and repulsion for him. Thoughts of him would frustrate me, cause changes in my psychology and affect my life in negative ways. When I thought about him, I felt abandoned, rejected and minimalized, like my worth was so insignificant because he didn’t care enough to be there.

I carried, and to some extent still carry, those kinds of feelings. The scars of those emotions still haunt me to this day, and I can see how the interpretation that I chose, and the emotions that came from that choice, still impact my life, and that of my family.


Imagine the changes in my life that could have occurred had I chosen a different interpretation, seen from another point of view the actions of a man who was trying, and failing, to do the right thing. Imagine if I had felt like collateral damage, rather than someone who wasn’t worth caring about. What could that have done to my sense of self worth, and to my confidence and attitudes.

As a child, you are always trying to find an answer to a situation, some kind of logical connection to make sense of the world. For me, since my father treated me poorly, I subconsciously chose to see his actions as a rejection of myself, not as a symptom of his own issues. No child wants to see their father as damaged, so I chose to think that he was trying to do the right thing, but I was somehow unworthy of his affection and his concern.

Was he trying to do the right thing, or was he just being a jerk like I described earlier – who knows? But my choice of interpretation is the greatest control I have over the situation, and it forces me to re-examine all my actions.

A mind that is awakened to the possibility of situational redefinition is a mind that has left reaction, and the dark abyss of being at the mercy of other people’s actions.

The mind that is awakened to the possibility of choosing how to redefine a situation is a mind that has struck out on a journey for that greatest of realities – a universe full of possibilities, no longer chained to the actions of others for meaning.

The mind that is awakened to these possibilities is a mind that can change the world.

And it is a mind that can know peace.

The Power of Rituals

The power of rituals.

I wrote over the weekend about the sanctity of time. An hour wasted can never be reclaimed.

But how do you spend/invest your time?

Sometimes we decide to spend our time in fun. Sometimes we invest it in work. Sometimes time is taken from us by responsibilities we have agreed to, which I feel is like investing in humanity.

I’ve always looked at time spent not planning or working for the future as time being spent now. Maybe it’s emailing a friend, watching a show or just mindlessly roaming the internet (it’s never mindless, there’s always something to learn). Time spent that does not have a directly intended future impact is time spent.

Then there is the other side – time invested. This is where you set aside time to work on something – yourself, a relationship, your business…something that will pay a future dividend in either increased ability to help others, increased quality of relationships, increased revenue to allow you more time to spend instead of investing.

When you think about time as a resource like money, you tend to treat it more seriously. This leads to a greater sense of satisfaction in life, a greater feeling of accomplishment and a greater “presence” in the lives of others.

One of the best ways to ensure that you are investing your time wisely is to use rituals. I know, sounds crazy, but we all have rituals in our lives, and our rituals will determine the outcome of our lives.

For some people, their morning starts with the coffee ritual. Maybe it’s made at home, maybe it’s picked up on the way to work, or after dropping the kids off at school. If you’ve ever seen my wife make her hot chocolate and take that first sip…trust me, it’s a ritual. There are priests who show less sincerity on a Sunday than she does making hot chocolate.

Maybe it’s the ritual of working out, investing time in your future health and appearance.

Maybe your ritual is looking at your investments, and working out how to improve your financial health.

Maybe it’s the ritual of sitting in front of a television/computer/tablet and watching a show that really has no redeeming qualities, but makes you feel better about yourself as you watch people make fools of themselves and everyone around them.

Maybe your ritual is the 30 minutes you snooze the alarm before reluctantly climbing out of bed.

Maybe your ritual is to get angry when someone takes too long at a four way stop. That’s more of an unconscious ritual, but we have those too.

Our rituals determine the quality of our lives. We need a balance in our lives of ritual and spontaneity. Make your rituals ones that empower you, invest you in good things and ones that enable you to live a life of spontaneity.

Your rituals are like the skeleton of your life. Used properly, you can unlock a future more rich and rewarding than you can imagine.

So invest time, in rituals, so you can invest in yourself.

And you will know peace.

Faith in the Journey

One of the psychological problems in trying to lose a lot of weight is that you eventually find yourself in what feels like no man’s land. It is like you have lost sight of the shore and while you have faith that there is land across the ocean, right now all you see is water all around you and it’s disconcerting.

At this point I am down almost 60 pounds since starting a ketogenic diet (Keto). In another 10 pounds I will actually be down 80 from my highest of 340. 80 pounds is halfway between 340 and my goal of 180. I thought getting halfway would be mind blowing, but it is kind of anticlimactic.

I feel like I am in the middle of the ocean sailing the ship in the right direction, because if I don't, I will drift back to where I came from. But it is hard sometimes, when the days are long and stressful, to keep my eye on that shore that I know is there but I cannot see yet. I have faith and belief in the journey even when the journey is hard, the seas are unfriendly and there does not seem to be a lot of enjoyment where I am at.

I knew this wouldn’t be easy. One of my favorite comments that I have heard is that "desire fades, but discipline remains". For me, part of this now is the discipline to stay with the process. I can’t imagine what it is going to feel like when I step on that scale and see that I am under 200 pounds. I cannot remember the last time I was, except that I have a horrible suspicion it was somewhere around 1997. 20 years of being overweight is hard to comprehend. It is frustrating to realize that I could have done this any time had I only had the information that I have now. To quote Eric Thomas, "information changes situations".

In the back of my head there is still this voice tells me that I am going to lose all the weight and then put it back on again. I have lost a lot of weight before, only to put it back on, but the last time I lost this much weight I was not eating, and the lifestyle was not sustainable. This time what I am doing appears to be sustainable. What I must find is balance. I need to find the balance between eating for fuel and occasionally eating for enjoyment. Finding that balance has never been easy for me, but this time I am determined to do it.

Once I have reached my goal, the question becomes what to do with the knowledge I have gained. I am wondering if I can use my talent for public speaking, my education as a physician and my experience as someone who has lost a lot of weight to make a difference in the lives of other people.

But for now, I just have to keep the boat pointing forwards and sailing on. I have faith that there is a shore out there where I can fit into a 34 inch waist, smile and feel like I have accomplished something quite spectacular.

The Courage to Start Again

Most people who know me know that I have struggled with my weight all my life.

There have been times that I have been successful in losing weight, only to fail and put it all back on again.

In 2012, I did the 60 day juice fast and went from 294 pounds down to 217 pounds.  I thought I had found the answer to my problems.  I ended up putting it all back on and more, eventually weighing my highest at 340 pounds.

So why try again? Why try when multiple times in my life I have lost a significant amount of weight only to put it back on again?  Each time costing me more of my self-esteem as the failures mount one after another.

I think part of it is the realization that I only really fail if I stop trying.  I live with the hope that someday I can find a way through this problem and be happy where I am at.

I have learned recently that sometimes you have to take a long hard look at yourself and be brutally honest about what you find, even though it is painful.

So why start again? Because if I do not, nothing changes.

So I have started the keto diet, also known as ketogenic diet.  Mainly it is a balance of fats and proteins, and very little carbs. I have cut out milk, soda, bread, pasta, cookies, pizza and anything else that contains carbohydrates. I watch my macro intake (protein/fat/carbohydrates) and my calorie intake at My Fitness Pal (an online tracking program).

So far I am down to around 24 pounds in about six weeks, averaging out at about 4 pounds a week. A little higher than I probably ought to, but right now there is some balance there so I am going to work with it.

Because if I do not, nothing changes. Time passes, frustration mounts, regret builds and dreams die.

That is unacceptable to me, so I start again.

Wish me luck.

First posted at 21st Century Chiropractic.