Closing in on Onederland

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If you would have told me a year ago today that I would weigh just over 200 lbs this time next year, I would have laughed at you. I would’ve thought you were crazy.

After all of my attempts at losing weight, all the failures, all of the devastation to my self-esteem and self-confidence, I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have believed my past, not my future.

There’s a huge lesson there. Your past does not determine your future. Forget the past, you can’t do anything about it and it doesn’t define what’s going to happen to you next.

So here I am, 54 weeks into a new life, and I am closing in on Onederland, where the scale starts with a 1, not a 2, not a 3.

It doesn’t seem real. It really doesn’t.

Because this last year has been very challenging both personally and professionally, I haven’t really been able to enjoy the weight loss in the way that I would have liked to.

However there have been great moments along the way, and for those I’m grateful.

I’ve had incredible support through this from my wife. Holly has been my rock, my cheerleader and sometimes the kick in the ass that I needed. This is as much her victory as mine, because without her this never could have happened. Despite frustration at some of my food choices, and a severe dislike for broccoli, she has pushed through, and pushed me through some really hard times.

Others along the way have provided support, encouragement and hope in the difficult times. You know who you are, and I’m so grateful for all you have done for me.

It’s been a long year, but I have grown, and shrunk.

I’ve done something very few people have done, and my hope is to encourage and empower people to experience the wonderful changes that I have found. There truly is hope out there.

You don’t necessarily need medication, surgery, or supplements.

You will need discipline, desire and determination, but those can be built.

I am ready to help people to become the person they can be.

In January of this year, the very generous and kind Ryan Deluca took me flying to celebrate losing 100 lbs, and to help me get over my fear of flying. It was a wonderful day, something I will never forget.

For breaking into Onederland, I’m going to push myself way, way out of my comfort zone. This time, it’s not the flying I am afraid of, it’s the falling. I’ve decided to skydive. This crazy idea started about 2 months ago, and it won’t let me go.

So it’s time to face my biggest fear head on, and see if I can find the courage to throw myself out of a perfectly good aircraft

The late Greg Plitt once said that when you break through fear, the energy that you put into the fear comes back as confidence. I wish Greg were still alive so I could show him what I’m doing. I think he’d approve.

So the weight loss continues, and leads to a date with destiny. Sometime in the near future, I will face my fears, face my future, and face my destiny.

It’s time.

The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows.

The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows.

In one of my favorite movies, Sylvester Stallone reprises his iconic role as Rocky Balboa. During one of the film’s most memorable scenes he confronts his son, who has allowed living in the “shadow” of Rocky to become an excuse for why he is not succeeding in the way that he wants. Rocky launches into an iconic speech explaining that the world can be tough, but “it’s not about how hard you can hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forwards”.

My weight loss journey has been a lot like that. In fact, life seemed to get harder the longer I continued to lose weight. Even now, I’ve been consistently losing weight for almost a year and I am still having “tough days” which push me and try me. There are days when I want to fall back into old patterns of eating for comfort, and it would be so easy.

So why haven’t I given in and had a “cheat meal”? After 11 months, I can honestly say I have not had a single meal where I have broken down and eaten something outside of my profile for eating. People have asked how I have accomplished that. It comes down to one simple statement:

It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it to blow an 11-month track record for something that might taste good at the moment but that will leave a sour aftertaste long after it’s gone. It’s not worth it to put a question in my head as to my willpower. It’s not worth it because after eating something with high carbohydrates I will probably feel bloated, stupid and annoyed at myself.

The truth is, even when it looks like it, it wouldn’t be worth it.

For me, my weight loss is not just about losing weight or “getting into shape”. My weight loss is linked to much more. My weight loss is linked to transforming my life, becoming who I should be, transforming not just my waistline but my worldview and experiencing life at a whole new level.

When I keep that in mind, then the rest of it fades away. So far I have not forsaken when I want the long term for what looks good in the short term. I have my eye focused on my long-term goals. Does that mean I don’t have tough days? Absolutely not. As I write this, today has been one of those days where it seems that if it can go wrong, it’s going to try to.

But as Rocky reminds me, it’s not how hard I can get, it’s how hard I can get hit.

Sometimes you can’t punch back at life in the way you want to. All you can do is double down your efforts and continue to do what you know will work, even when it takes time, when what you really want is to be able to strike back at the universe and all its unfairness. Truth is, that gets you nowhere. Repaying frustration with anger would wound you twice. You have to move beyond, focus on who you can help and who you can serve, and then just double down and go for it.

The universe doesn’t play fair. Mother nature plays dirty, and sometimes Murphy just doesn’t know when to quit.

But if you keep your eye on the prize, and learn to keep punching even after you have been hit harder than you can ever imagine, eventually you’ll arrive at where you want to be.

New experiences, new life

It is amazing how transforming your life changes aspects of your life you did not expect. When I started losing weight my goal was to feel better about myself and to hopefully feel less of a fraud as a doctor.

Then when I started losing weight successfully, other avenues opened up.

New experiences that I had never had before, people coming into my life with different experiences, different stories, different opportunities.

I had another one of those recently. On my flight to McCall for lunch, I met a guy named Steven Conner. Along with his partner Dustyn Stevens, they have a created Forge Your Potential, an organization designed to motivate and inspire people to find the best that is in them and to fulfill their true potential.

Part of that organization is a podcast and, on our flight to McCall, I was invited to be a guest on their podcast.

The fact that anybody would want to interview me still makes me laugh. Seriously, why would you want to interview a guy like me?

However, I’m starting to be open to new experiences, new opportunities and new horizons. While I figured there was a good chance that I could make an idiot of myself, I decided to go for it.

I’m so glad I did.

Conner and Dustyn are really amazing people. Intelligent, thoughtful and with a desire to make a difference. If you haven’t checked out their podcast before it, I really recommend that you do. It’s hard hitting, insightful and raw blistering honesty. You can’t listen to what they do without feeling inspired.

In a world full of negativity that tells us that we can’t come Dustyn and Conner will make you believe that you can. And that belief is the most important thing you’ll ever belief.

I had a fantastic time recording this podcast because it felt like I was sitting amongst old friends, just talking about life, goals, dreams and forging your potential.

So the next time you feel the urge to enrich your mind, jump on over to Forge Your Potential and spend a few minutes becoming more than you thought you could be. Follow them on social media as well. You won't regret it and you'll come away inspired and motivated. Facebook. Twitter. Instagram.

And if you're interested in the podcast we did together, you can find it here. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

The Next Journey

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The next journey.

When I started my weight loss journey in May 2016, I didn’t really have a time frame. I just knew that I wanted to lose weight and eventually get back to 180 pounds.

Around November I started realizing that I could achieve 100 pounds of weight loss in approximately 8 months and I got excited. What can I say, I like round numbers. :-)

So I set myself a goal of weighing 230 pounds on January 1 and by pushing myself really hard I managed to achieve it. It was amazing to realize I could do this.

But once I reached my goal I realized there was something missing. I was still slowly losing weight, but I didn’t have the drive and the focus the same.

Because I didn’t have a goal.

Don’t worry, I still haven’t cheated or eaten anything that I haven’t planned to. I just haven’t been as mentally focused.

And it struck me again how important the mental focus aspect is.

So now I have a new goal. 130 pounds lost in one year.

My new goal is to weigh 200 pounds (or less) on May 1, 2017.

That would give me 130 pounds in a year. Not too shabby. :-)

To get there I’m going to have to change things up a little bit. Until now, exercise has never been a significant part of this program, but it is becoming so.

I’ve realized that I don’t just want to lose weight, I want to feel fit.

Growing up and always being overweight, fitness was always something that was a negative for me. But over the last few weeks I’ve started to become more and more interested in the idea of fitness, not as an aesthetic, but as a way of life.

Losing weight has made me realize that I can do more things. That my life is not limited. That I have wasted so much time not becoming all I can be, and I’m sick of that.

So now it’s time to strike out for a new destination. Now it’s time to become more, to do more, to serve more and to give more.

Fitness is now going to be a more significant part of my life. I’ve realized I can do this, and now I want it.

So here we go. I’m currently 226 pounds and there are approximately 12 weeks. So I have to lose approximately 2 pounds a week to get to my goal.

So bring it on.

Bring on the focus, bring on the drive, bring on the intensity. Bring on time in the gym, time spent in meditation. Bring on soreness, tiredness and achiness.

Bring all of it.

I’m ready.

Stall Warning

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When you fly a plane, if you try to climb too fast or you change your angle of attack (how aggressively the wing attacks the air) too suddenly, you create a stall. Depending upon your plane, you will get a nasty buzzing noise or the computer freaks out and starts yelling at you.

Unfortunately, stalls are also a part of weight loss, but they don’t come with a warning. They can happen after you try something specifically stupid, like pushing yourself too hard to hit a target. Possibly someone you know (or are reading about) has done this recently. Possibly someone who looks a lot like me.

Yes, I was stupid. In my race to make 230 lbs on January 1 (which I managed, which got me hundred pounds weight loss in eight months) I kind of pushed it a little hard. Unfortunately, the human body doesn’t play fair, and doesn’t give mulligans.

So I have spent the last two weeks at around 230 pounds. It’s frustrating to get on the scale and see that it really hasn’t moved, but I also realize that this is my body paying me back. I pushed hard for something, and I got it, but there is a cost with pushing that hard.

So I’m trying to be good, trying to stay hydrated and making sure I eat enough. It’s funny, in my ninth month of doing this, I am struggling to eat enough calories each day. Other than occasional psychological cravings for certain foods (Golden Double Stuf Oreos are particular repeat offender) I am really not interested in eating.

Part of that may be stress. Some of you may know, some of you may not, but I am no longer a part of the team at Price Chiropractic Center. I now have my own small practice which I am looking to expand. There is a lot of stress that comes with that, a lot of fear and a lot of action in spite of fear. Unfortunately, stress releases a lovely little hormone in our bodies called cortisol, and cortisol causes you to gain weight, or at least makes it very difficult to lose it.

So I realize between my shenanigans up to January 1, and the added stress load since December 30, weight loss for me right now is going to be a little bit difficult.

This is when the WHY is so important. Anyone who has heard me speak on weight loss will tell you that I have a firm belief that you need a WHY, as well as a HOW.

Whenever people ask me about weight loss, they invariably ask me how I did it. I always tell than that asking HOW is the wrong question. The most important question is WHY did I do it.

If you’re not motivated to lose weight, it doesn’t matter how you could lose weight, because you are not going to. You have to be motivated, you have to want it, and then you have to build that want, turning it into a desire, into a hunger, into a determination, and finally into an obsession.

You don’t lose 100 pounds of weight without getting determined. There have been many times in the last 8 ½ months where I could have failed. I haven’t. I have stayed on this new way of eating, even to the frustration of friends and family. And I stay on that because I have a very strong WHY.

So even in this stall, which is frustrating and probably a result of my going for it, I’m staying focused and determined.

Hopefully I’ll break through this stall soon, but if it lasts a while, so be it.

Next goal is 200. Hoping to be there by May 1.

The Christmas present I didn’t want.

I guess I will have to settle for losing 95 lbs in 8 months and not 100. Oh well.

Seriously…Of all of the days for the scale to show me that I was up, Christmas Day was not the day I was looking for. I can honestly say that I have been “perfect” on my diet for the last 200 + days. I have not had a “cheat meal” or eaten anything that was outside of my parameters.

On Christmas Eve morning I was working with a weight loss client (yes, I am starting to do weight loss coaching) and told her how she shouldn’t base all of her energy on what the scale reads, but in trust in the process.

Those words came back hard on Christmas morning to me. Of all of the days, when there is going to be food all over the place, when no one would “judge me” for eating off of my diet, on a day when I could really use motivation, the scale shows I’m up 2 pounds.

Thanks life, good shot.

I’m happy to report that I didn’t buckle. I ate perfectly on Christmas day. Not one thing wrong. Not one candy, not one cinnamon roll, nothing. I ate exactly as I was supposed to eat. Sure, the scale doesn’t reflect it yet, but I trust the process.

When you have faith in the process, the results can’t hurt you as much. Sometimes you just have to walk in the direction of your dreams, entrusting you are doing the right things.

I think it was Thoreau who said that, but maybe he stole it from somebody else as well.

I don’t think I’m going to reach 230 pounds by New Year’s Day, which was my original goal. I would love to, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. This process isn’t over until I weigh 180 pounds. Do I have to tweak it along the way, obviously.

But I know that the supposedly 2 pounds that I gained over the last week is nothing but water weight, and that as long as I am true to the process, everything else will work the way it is supposed to do.

For now, I have to be a good example for the people and coaching, and continue to fight even though the scale took a shot at me. Like Rocky said, "it’s not how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forwards."

Because the reality of it is…I only lose if I quit. All I have to do is keep working and I’m winning.

Wherever you are in the world, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas day or Happy Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate, or not. Hang in there, stay strong and eat well.

Your life deserves it. :)

This post has been edited.

Struggling through the Season

After losing 100 lbs, you'd think that I was on cruise mode. You’d think that I was locked in and safe.

Honestly…no.

Yes, I have eaten “clean” (not off my diet) for 232 consecutive days. That’s right – 232 days. Only twice have I gone over my calories. Once on my son’s graduation, and once on my birthday. Even then, I still ate the foods that work for my eating lifestyle, just in a little larger proportions.

People who have talked to me about my weight loss tell me that they couldn’t do it, and how proud they are of me for being so strong.

Truth is, I thought by now it would be a little easier. But it’s not...

Making changes in your life is never easy. It affects those around you in ways that is easy to overlook. My wife, who loves to cook, has had to endure 232 days of not cooking the kinds of foods that she loves. I think she feels like she is being forced into a ketogenic diet by default, and I know she is struggling with that, even though she tries not to show it.

And the holidays don’t make it any easier. Thanksgiving was especially tough. Being surrounded by family who were eating foods I love, while I ate turkey, ham and stir fried broccoli, was hard.

Now, moving into the Christmas season, I’m faced with even more temptation and pressures.

How do my choices affect those around me…should I have one meal that is not the best for my weight loss…what do we do with all the food that kind people invariably bring as gifts?

One meal would not change anything. Realistically, I could fast the whole day and eat one meal of anything and it wouldn’t significantly change my life.

But I must confess that I am incredibly reluctant to do so…because I am afraid. I am afraid that if I break one time, it will be easier for the next time. And the next, and the next and the next.

I think I’m getting some kind of an idea of how an alcoholic feels. One coke would be too many, and two would never be enough.

I’m trying right now to get to 230 lbs by new years day. That would be 100 lbs lost in 8 months, and 110 lbs overall.

It still feel weird to think of how much I have lost. How much I have changed physically.

And how much I am trying to change mentally.

Truth is, I’m still that 340 lb guy, desperately trying to lose weight, afraid that one wrong move will screw it all up. I’m still ashamed of how I look. I get that it’s better than it was, but it’s still not good enough, and I tremble to think that it may never be.

I have so many goals left to reach – so much of a life to change. Losing weight is only a step on the journey. An important step, a critical step, but it’s not the destination, it’s just a toll booth on the highway.

So I struggle…every day.

I struggle to fight against the negative self talk and the fears that drove me to use food as my drug.

I struggle against the angry teenager who still haunts my soul with his feelings of never being good enough, never fitting in, never feeling whole.

I struggle with the burdens I place on those around me as I try to become the person I feel I owe them.

Mostly, I just fight, because it’s all I can do right now.

I fight for my self esteem, for my hopes for the future and for my dream that I can feel like a “whole, complete and accepted person”. I fight to achieve the life I owe my family. I fight to find a pathway into the future that is better than the past.

But honestly, I think I fight most of all for peace. Peace in my soul, for I have known so little of it lately.

Tony Robbins once said that fat people were just people who were wearing their pain on the outside.

What I’ve found is that as the weight comes off, you have to deal with the pain and struggles that you were suppressing.

And that’s not easy.

But I struggle, and I fight and for today, that has to be enough, because it's honestly all I have.

To those of you who have supported me on this journey, I thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.

While I have to fight this myself, it’s easier with good people in my corner.

Out with the Old and in with the...Older?

One of the great things about losing weight is watching the scale show you lower and lower numbers. At 5 ½ months, I am down around 75 pounds. I never thought it was possible, but I am actually enjoying losing weight, and I do not feel like I am depriving myself at all.

One of the things that has been a surprise is how fast I am going through clothes. When I started back on May 2, I was wearing a size 50 pants and 4-5X shirts. I am actually fitting currently into a pair of jeans that are a size 40, and I have realized that I am over halfway to my goal of a 34 inch waist.

But going through clothes so quickly has a downside...you end up with a closet full of things you cannot wear and need to find new clothes, which can get expensive.

This last weekend I boxed up a lot of clothes that are simply too big. I know some people would tell me to get rid of them right now, but I have been there and done that before, and it got expensive having to buy all new clothes.

The payoff to keeping clothes you've outgrown at least is that one day maybe you can get back into them.

While putting away the box of bigger clothes I pulled down a box of clothes that I was previously too large for, and to my surprise I found some clothes that were too small, and about 10 pairs of pants and five shirts that I are the perfect size for me at the moment.

So I just avoided an expensive trip to the store, and I now have a closet of clothes that fit me again. Huge win.

I have started to incorporate walking on the treadmill and in a couple of weeks the weightlifting starts. I am actually looking forward to it.

Thanks to all of you who supported me on the journey so far. I still have a long way to go, but I am over halfway there and I love how I feel.

Thanks again, have a great day. Remember to live your life, not live your life for someone else.