Friday, September 2, 2016

Faith in the Journey

One of the psychological problems in trying to lose a lot of weight is that you eventually find yourself in what feels like no man’s land. It is like you have lost sight of the shore and while you have faith that there is land across the ocean, right now all you see is water all around you and it’s disconcerting.

At this point I am down almost 60 pounds since starting a ketogenic diet (Keto). In another 10 pounds I will actually be down 80 from my highest of 340. 80 pounds is halfway between 340 and my goal of 180. I thought getting halfway would be mind blowing, but it is kind of anticlimactic.

I feel like I am in the middle of the ocean sailing the ship in the right direction, because if I don't, I will drift back to where I came from. But it is hard sometimes, when the days are long and stressful, to keep my eye on that shore that I know is there but I cannot see yet. I have faith and belief in the journey even when the journey is hard, the seas are unfriendly and there does not seem to be a lot of enjoyment where I am at.

I knew this wouldn’t be easy. One of my favorite comments that I have heard is that "desire fades, but discipline remains". For me, part of this now is the discipline to stay with the process. I can’t imagine what it is going to feel like when I step on that scale and see that I am under 200 pounds. I cannot remember the last time I was, except that I have a horrible suspicion it was somewhere around 1997. 20 years of being overweight is hard to comprehend. It is frustrating to realize that I could have done this any time had I only had the information that I have now. To quote Eric Thomas, "information changes situations".

In the back of my head there is still this voice tells me that I am going to lose all the weight and then put it back on again. I have lost a lot of weight before, only to put it back on, but the last time I lost this much weight I was not eating, and the lifestyle was not sustainable. This time what I am doing appears to be sustainable. What I must find is balance. I need to find the balance between eating for fuel and occasionally eating for enjoyment. Finding that balance has never been easy for me, but this time I am determined to do it.

Once I have reached my goal, the question becomes what to do with the knowledge I have gained. I am wondering if I can use my talent for public speaking, my education as a physician and my experience as someone who has lost a lot of weight to make a difference in the lives of other people.

But for now, I just have to keep the boat pointing forwards and sailing on. I have faith that there is a shore out there where I can fit into a 34 inch waist, smile and feel like I have accomplished something quite spectacular.

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