Morning Reflection: What is Your Purpose?

What is your purpose?

In Latin, there is a phrase, ‘sine qua non’, which translated comes out to “without which there is nothing”. Another way of phrasing this is “that which without”, meaning a core part of something, without which the whole would be pointless or worthless.

Lately, I have come to the realization that what has been missing in my life for so long is alignment with my purpose.

This misalignment has manifested as sadness, being easily distracted, a feeling like every day is that same as the one before, and that life has lost the energy that made it magical.

It has also shown up as confusion, fear, anxiety and, most noticeably, as a feeling of being truly, deeply and profoundly lost.

It is a terrible thing to know exactly where you are, and to know that you are not where you should be, and that you have no idea where that is.

Almost 18 months ago my life changed radically, and I was forced into an ongoing period of uncertainty which haunts me every day. I still feel like I am not where I am supposed to be, but not so much in a geographical sense, more in terms of what I am doing with my life.

In short, I am not in alignment with my purpose. As I struggle to find and align with what I believe is the reason for my existence, there are moments when I feel in alignment and there is a sense of power; a sense of devotion to something greater than myself; an enlightenment of my soul; and access to knowledge that flows through me.

Those moments, fleeting though they are, leave me deeply moved, and full of gratitude for the opportunity to be part of a purpose which is greater than I am.

In trying to align, find balance and serve, I have come to believe that finding out why you are here is the day you really become alive.

While I can’t tell you exactly what my purpose is right now, I am hopeful that I am beginning to understand at least the essential nature of what I will devote the rest of my life to.

Because when you find your reason, your ‘sine-qua-non’, you will understand what your life is about, and I hope that you will serve your cause, your truth, and your passion with everything you have to give.

I truly believe that we all have something to contribute.

To quote Yoda, “luminous beings we are, not this crude matter”.

Your being, is about being you. Authentic, alive and amazing.

Why are you here, and are you living it?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@losingtowin120

Morning Reflection: Question without judgment, question for progress.

Question without judgment, question for progress.

As I continue this journey into my heart, mind and soul, I realize that although I become more aware of my thoughts by questioning, even the questions I ask myself are often limiting.

These questions are often imbued with judgment, which in turn restricts my answers, and continues to create barriers to even the process of self examination.

In the beginning my questions were loaded with self loathing, in such terms as “why am I so stupid’, or my all time favorite ‘why does God hate me so much that he keeps doing this to me”. The former victimizes myself, and the latter takes solace in the palace of victimhood, wherein I cannot be expected to take any action because after all, someone else is to blame (anyone, as long as it was not me).

Eventually, my questions became more mature, and I came to an initial level of acceptance of who I was. My questions reflected this progression, by changing to a questions of why. “Why do I act this way?” or “Why do I have a pattern of this behavior?” Over time, as I became more adept at reading myself, I began to find answers, which inevitably led to more questions. From the wisdom of the Bene Gesserit (from the book ‘Dune’ by Frank Herbert) we ultimately learn that it is how we navigate between our questions that determines our eventual destiny. Still, some of those questions are loaded with judgment, which in turns increases my burdens and slows my progression.

But now I feel that my questions are beginning to shift again. Now, along with the introspective Why, which still has so much value, I find myself starting to ask a new question, a question of process…How?

How do I make a difference in the world? How can I be a better servant? How can I lift others and use the talents and knowledge with which I have been entrusted?

For it is not sufficient to gain knowledge; I must apply that knowledge to gain wisdom.

How is process, how is growth. How forces me out of my comfort zone, where I have lived far too many years, and bids me take my place in the ever evolving future of possibility.

How makes me accept who I am, and assume the responsibility of who I can become.

How is powerful, how is scary.

How am I doing?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@losingtowin120

Morning Reflection: Who are you angry with?

Why I can’t let it go.

I had a revelation today, that answered a question I have been struggling with for a long time. Specifically, why do I remain angry at certain people in my life, and why can’t I let it go and move on?

I know that holding on to anger affects me negatively, and I try my best between meditation and life changes to release these feelings, but some stubbornly remain.

When I view anger at someone else through the lens of my 6 human needs, I find that it meets at least 3 of those needs. In being angry, I achieve my significance need by looking at the way I was treated, and feeling like a victim. But in addition, and this only came to me this weekend while teaching a class of 14 year olds who said that they struggle with forgiveness, I’ve realized that being angry at someone allows me to continue a relationship that for some reason I would like to perpetuate, even if the relationship was in some ways painful.

And further, I’ve realized that by being angry, it allows me to control the parameters of the ongoing relationship in a way that probably prevents me from being hurt again, which is a form of certainty.

So by not forgiving someone, I am able to supply my needs of certainty, significance and connection. It is said that any action that meets three of our needs will become an addiction if we do not take steps to control it.

So if I am to learn to more effectively forgive, I must learn to become self sufficient in my own needs.

And that is so much harder than I thought possible.

Who are you angry with?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@losingtowin120

Morning Reflection: The Perspective of All That Is

The perspective of all that is.

I have often wondered what my ancestors would think of me. Would they look at my life, marveling at the peace and comfort that surrounds me? What must my descendants think of me, struggling here with the rudimentary technology that they find comical in its inadequacy.

Will those in the future look at me in the way that I look at people 200 years ago; with a wry smile at the strange beliefs and customs that limited and constrained their progression.

I often wonder what is it that will appear so obvious in 100 years, yet is unknown to us now. My recent readings and studies suggest that our mind, focus and intention in the quantum and macro-quantum worlds is the next frontier in our ongoing adventure as a species.

Yet for all of our technology, I believe it is the progression of the collective soul of our common humanity that will ennoble and edify our evolution.

When we take the suffering of others more seriously. When we demand a greater humanity from those who would lead. When we are willing to allow humility and compassion to console our own wounds, and when we are ready to give of ourselves because in our hearts we are wealthy, only then will we be ready to live up to the divine spark that resides in each one of us.

When we see our lives from the perspective of all that is, we will recognize that we are more wealthy than we imagine, more powerful that we realize; far stronger than our challenges; and more loving than our fears.

Then, we will understand ourselves, and each other.

And we will have peace.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: The Perspective of Welcome

The perspective of welcome.

For many years, I lived with the false belief that God, or the universe, or whomever, hated me. I viewed every bad event in my life as a testimony to the truth that I was never going to be allowed to be successful. Growing up in a dysfunctional home often leaves more mental scars than physical ones, and that belief came out of a difficult environment.

I have come to realize that not only was that mindset damaging to my future, it was actually a way of excusing my own weakness and selfishness. If the universe was determined to see me fail, then I was never guilty when something went wrong, even though in quiet moments I could see that some things were my fault.

In reality, most negative events were just the reality of living in an entropic universe. Bad days occur, things break, and ill advised choices end up turning out badly.

For me, my life began to turn around when I adopted a phrase I heard. I believe it was Tony Robbins who said “Life is not happening to you, it is happening for you”.

I resisted this at first, because it forced me to accept that there is always something good in any experience if I look for it. It also forces me out of my self-justifying victim mentality, and into a mindset that places upon me the opportunity to be responsible for my choices, no matter how difficult the circumstances may be.

As my mindset, or perspective, changes, I come to realize that whatever the situation, I can find something of good, some lesson of value, in any experience. When I decide that my life is happening for me, the universe opens to show a myriad of positive possibilities, if I but welcome them even though they appear cloaked in misfortune.

When I do this, I am blessed.

How is your life happening for you today?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: What are you grateful for?

Now is the enemy of forever.

I’ve been writing about perspective, and how our emotions are affected by it. I’ve also come to understand that time is a perspective, but one that can consume us if we do not control it.

As people try to become more ‘mindful’, they attempt to bring their awareness into their current experience frame, trying to remove all other time references to truly focus only on what is ‘now’.

But in doing so, we risk taking for granted that and those which are now, but may not always be.

As I sit in my office at my home, I am moved to realize that the earth in this location was once free flowing lava, then fields, now houses, and may yet change into a scorched desert or a frozen tundra. If I tie myself into only now, I lose my gratitude references and can lose my sense of wonder at the time in which I find myself.

Likewise, I always try to treat my family from the understanding that they may not always be here, and that at a future time I could mourn their absence. There may yet be a future in which I am without one or all of them, and I try to feel that future in order to keep a clear perspective on the now.

When I maintain this frame of reference, tempore-sensu (latin, time sense), I am filled with gratitude and love for the people around me. I find a more profound sense of purpose and value in each day, realizing how blessed I am to be, here, now.

Maintaining a greater reference of time and location help me to find humility, gratitude, focus and joy. I am hopeful that it allows me to be a better servant.

I exist to serve, because it brings me peace.

What are you grateful for?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: The Beliefs of a Child

The beliefs of a child.

As I examine my thoughts, I find that the deepest, darkest and most restrictive self beliefs that I hold were formed in my early childhood years. Then, like scripture of the soul, they are followed without a sincere, objective evaluation.

I find it requires great stillness to become aware of these thoughts and beliefs. Often they are found in unnecessarily intense responses to a situation that did not deserve such.

Since most of these deep beliefs are formed in childhood, I have come to realize that the vulnerability of being a child creates an immense interpretive distortion in the experiences that shape our beliefs.

Our interpretation of any event is the process by which we create meaning, and meaning thereby creates an emotion. As a child, our vulnerability and immaturity can exaggerate a potentially painful occurrence into a life threatening perspective.

As an example, strong disapproval from a dominating parent can be interpreted as a threat of abandonment, which is then perceived as a life threatening event to be avoided at all costs. Or maybe a child who grows up seeing his or her parents dreadfully unhappy will avoid responsibility usually associated with maturity in a desperate attempt to avoid the pain which he or she perceives as being an outcome of being self sufficient.

These beliefs become a part of us. Never questioned, every active in our minds.

Over time, we perceive more and more experiences through this perspective, and we never stop to realize that the very lens through which we are viewing the world is distorted, deformed and destructive.

This often creates a psychologically debilitating pattern of painful perspectives and subsequent behaviors that limit where there are no boundaries, and restrain when there could be rejoicing.

Since these beliefs are usually formed in the presence of a perspective-magnified pain, I find myself reluctant to shine a light into my own darkness.

Only in the still calmness of peace can I truly stare into the center of my soul, and find a way through the darkness into the clarity of a newly awakened perspective.

Facing the darkness is often the only way to find the light.

So I search onwards, finding the truths of my soul.

But they are…elusive.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@losingtowin120