Morning Reflection: How do you balance gratitude

How do you balance gratitude?

Yesterday morning I stepped outside to get the mail. It was a beautiful morning, and although it was cold, the sun shone brightly and the world seemed at peace.

I have read enough history to know that in the history of the entire human race, I am very blessed. To be where I am, at this time, in this place, in my circumstances…a large percentage of humanity that has ever existed would consider me very fortunate, and trade places with me in a moment.

Yet I find that I struggle with gratitude, because there is in my core an ambition growling that nothing I have achieved is even remotely enough. I’m not sure what “enough” would be, but I know I don’t feel that I am even close to being there.

And I realize that I am ungrateful, and I struggle to change.

I seek to find a balance, some internal awareness that can be thankful, and at that moment allow myself to find joy in where I am at, yet still maintain a desire to become more.

I have come so very far from where I started, both in life and in geography. I have, in most aspects, eclipsed the probable outcomes of my birth.

I have been helped along the way, of that there is no question, but I question the level of gratitude I feel regarding that help. I think that, in some way, being grateful for help is linked in my mind to not being enough, that I am ashamed for having needed help, that I was insufficient.

Even writing these words I see the inconstancy behind them, but who ever said that we, as humans, are paragons of consistency? It may be said of us that our constant inconsistency is what separates us from machines.

So today, I ask of you, how do you balance gratitude with ambition? Does gratitude come easily to you, or do you, like me, recognize that you have very far to go in reaching a grateful state of being?

I would welcome your thoughts today. Your wisdom could help my struggle.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: What is Your Purpose?

What is your purpose?

In Latin, there is a phrase, ‘sine qua non’, which translated comes out to “without which there is nothing”. Another way of phrasing this is “that which without”, meaning a core part of something, without which the whole would be pointless or worthless.

Lately, I have come to the realization that what has been missing in my life for so long is alignment with my purpose.

This misalignment has manifested as sadness, being easily distracted, a feeling like every day is that same as the one before, and that life has lost the energy that made it magical.

It has also shown up as confusion, fear, anxiety and, most noticeably, as a feeling of being truly, deeply and profoundly lost.

It is a terrible thing to know exactly where you are, and to know that you are not where you should be, and that you have no idea where that is.

Almost 18 months ago my life changed radically, and I was forced into an ongoing period of uncertainty which haunts me every day. I still feel like I am not where I am supposed to be, but not so much in a geographical sense, more in terms of what I am doing with my life.

In short, I am not in alignment with my purpose. As I struggle to find and align with what I believe is the reason for my existence, there are moments when I feel in alignment and there is a sense of power; a sense of devotion to something greater than myself; an enlightenment of my soul; and access to knowledge that flows through me.

Those moments, fleeting though they are, leave me deeply moved, and full of gratitude for the opportunity to be part of a purpose which is greater than I am.

In trying to align, find balance and serve, I have come to believe that finding out why you are here is the day you really become alive.

While I can’t tell you exactly what my purpose is right now, I am hopeful that I am beginning to understand at least the essential nature of what I will devote the rest of my life to.

Because when you find your reason, your ‘sine-qua-non’, you will understand what your life is about, and I hope that you will serve your cause, your truth, and your passion with everything you have to give.

I truly believe that we all have something to contribute.

To quote Yoda, “luminous beings we are, not this crude matter”.

Your being, is about being you. Authentic, alive and amazing.

Why are you here, and are you living it?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@losingtowin120

Morning Reflection: Question without judgment, question for progress.

Question without judgment, question for progress.

As I continue this journey into my heart, mind and soul, I realize that although I become more aware of my thoughts by questioning, even the questions I ask myself are often limiting.

These questions are often imbued with judgment, which in turn restricts my answers, and continues to create barriers to even the process of self examination.

In the beginning my questions were loaded with self loathing, in such terms as “why am I so stupid’, or my all time favorite ‘why does God hate me so much that he keeps doing this to me”. The former victimizes myself, and the latter takes solace in the palace of victimhood, wherein I cannot be expected to take any action because after all, someone else is to blame (anyone, as long as it was not me).

Eventually, my questions became more mature, and I came to an initial level of acceptance of who I was. My questions reflected this progression, by changing to a questions of why. “Why do I act this way?” or “Why do I have a pattern of this behavior?” Over time, as I became more adept at reading myself, I began to find answers, which inevitably led to more questions. From the wisdom of the Bene Gesserit (from the book ‘Dune’ by Frank Herbert) we ultimately learn that it is how we navigate between our questions that determines our eventual destiny. Still, some of those questions are loaded with judgment, which in turns increases my burdens and slows my progression.

But now I feel that my questions are beginning to shift again. Now, along with the introspective Why, which still has so much value, I find myself starting to ask a new question, a question of process…How?

How do I make a difference in the world? How can I be a better servant? How can I lift others and use the talents and knowledge with which I have been entrusted?

For it is not sufficient to gain knowledge; I must apply that knowledge to gain wisdom.

How is process, how is growth. How forces me out of my comfort zone, where I have lived far too many years, and bids me take my place in the ever evolving future of possibility.

How makes me accept who I am, and assume the responsibility of who I can become.

How is powerful, how is scary.

How am I doing?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@losingtowin120