Over the years of my journey into self awareness, I think I have slowly become kinder to others. I have always tried to treat other people well regardless of how I feel about them, but deep in my heart there was often judgment instead of compassion, and coldness where there could have been warmth.
But the further I have walked into my journey of awareness, the greater a depth of compassion I have found for people. I can see, or at least I think I can see, why they sometimes behave in ways that are not their best selves.
Like someone who cannot keep a secret, who is in actuality lonely and looking for ways to connect; or a person who only contacts me when they need something but who is really suffering from a deep well of personal insignificance; or another person who continually grasps at money even though they have sufficient for their needs but who is actually seeking to fill a deep personal wound of feeling less than everyone else.
As I see their patterns, and I understand how their wounds precipitate their actions, I find that I am moved by compassion to have less frustration at their behaviors, and instead a greater patience and willingness to forgive.
This is still hard for me, but I can say with honesty that I am getting better at being kinder to other people.
Yet I still struggle immensely with self kindness, and self compassion. Behaviors I can forgive in others are ones that I condemn myself for. The peace which I am able to help others achieve seems much harder to find for myself.
In short, I am my harshest critic, and my greatest source of condemnation.
But I have begun to find ways through this.
As I examine my own self stories, I have found ways to interject compassionate self talk into my judgments, and realize some small measure of change in the way that I see myself.
While there is still frustration, there is sometimes compassion; while there is still anger, sometimes there is love; while there is still a fervent desire to move forward to achieve what I believe I am capable of, there is occasionally a willingness to allow myself to rest.
Ultimately, peace is found through self acceptance, self compassion, and self love. If you are struggling with this, please don’t give up.
You are worth far more than you feel about yourself, and I truly believe that you have a part to play in our ongoing progression.
Be kind to yourself, and give yourself the gift of compassion.
You are worth it.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
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