Morning Reflection: Malignant does not necessarily mean malicious

Malignant does not necessarily mean malicious.

I wrote yesterday about how we sometimes maintain psychological relationships with those who have died, and how those relationships can be a source of strength and/or pain, depending on the nature of the relationship.

But it has become clear to me that sometimes, as a result of a ‘fear of speaking ill of the dead’, we shy away from truly understanding the effect that an ongoing psychological relationship with someone who has passed on can have in our lives. (This can also be true for those who are still living, but I’ll write about that another day).

Somehow, we may feel that admitting the truth that someone who has passed on either had, or still has, a malignant effect in our lives, is disrespectful and unkind. Rather than behave in a way that we feel is wrong, we shy away from examining and making peace within the relationship.

Today, I would invite you to reflect on the truth that malicious and malignant are not always synonymous. Just because someone had a malignant effect on your life doesn’t necessarily mean that they were a bad person.

In my life, there have been two people who have caused me great pain. I honestly believe that neither of them intended to.

Because of limitations of their own, caused by their own previous trauma and ongoing environmental and emotional issues, they caused and still in some aspects still cause me to feel pain and a lack of peace.

Recognizing that they are toxic to me is a start.

Recognizing that they did not intentionally hurt me helps me to release some of the pain and anger I feel in the ongoing psychological relationship.

Recognizing that I need to examine and make peace with their memory, and that I can do so without it being a negative statement about who they were/are as a person, allows me the freedom to truly go deeper into my soul, and make peace with the chaos I find there.

One day, I hope for the pain I feel to be swallowed up in my concern for those who may be causing me distress. This will only occur as I balance my needs, grow in humility and kindness, and practice daily the art of caring for others.

Malicious is not necessarily malignant. Accepting this truth can help you to find balance and peace now with those of your past, present and future.

It is my deepest wish for you to find peace, and then lead others to it.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc