Morning Reflection: You only have this moment.

You only have this moment.

In 2017, to celebrate losing 130 pounds, I faced one of my biggest fears and went skydiving. A powerful lesson I learned that day has stuck with me.

Life is fragile, but you have to live it to enjoy it.

When I decided to go skydiving, I knew I would be scared, and yet I did it anyway. I wanted to push myself, to do something so out of character for me that it would change my life forever.

That moment happened at around 10,000 feet. As I sat in a small bumpy plane, I felt a storm of emotions. I was terrified, knowing that in a few minutes I was going to be jumping out of that plane and risking my life in the pursuit of some elusive ideal. With a cold sensation coursing through my veins, it became suddenly real. Very, very real.

I could die here today.

Realistically, I knew it was unlikely. Statistically it was very safe, yet there was still the possibility of it happening, and that small possibility was enough to scare me to a point of terror and make me think about backing out. But then everything changed.

As I looked at the other 3 jumpers in the plane, I realized with a sudden absolute certainty that there was no way I wasn’t jumping, because I was in front of the door, blocking everyone else. If I refused, in all likelihood they would throw me out anyway.

There was no way back – this was happening.

And then it all changed. As my brain encountered the raw, unfiltered truth of what was about to come to pass, I realized that since I couldn’t stop it, there was no point in worrying about it. I couldn’t change the outcome now, all worrying would do was spoil any enjoyment of the moment that I could find.

So I decided to just enjoy it, to live it, to celebrate all the changes in my life that had led me to celebrate the accomplishment of losing so much weight and enjoy the sensation of weightlessness.

And from that moment on, it was an amazing experience. As we tumbled out of the plane and reached a stable position, I felt a glorious, awe inspiring and life affirming feeling of joy, gratitude and celebration.

This was life, and I was living it. Yes it was scary, yes it was tough and yes, it could still go wrong, but I had chosen to face my fears and participate in life in a way that pushed me out of comfort zone and into a new life.

And it was glorious.

Wherever you are today, please live your life. Yes, it may be scary and yes, it could go wrong, but you have today, now, this moment. Live it as fully as you can, embracing all the good you can do in the world, and be the person you were meant to be.

My hope for you today is that you will fully live your life, with gratitude for who you are and with courage to become all that you can yet be.

Live life, feel gratitude and celebrate peace.

And become.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: The dead are never really gone from us.

The dead are never really gone from us.

A few months ago, I had the privilege of a phone conversation with a wonderful lady who was trying to work through a problem. She was willing to talk with me to see if I could offer a different perspective, and in a conversation that lasted over an hour, we were able to identify a possible cause of pain and resistance.

Together, we understood that although a family member of hers had passed on, she was still in a psychological relationship with that family member because of some of the things that were said and done by that person. The relationship was not a completely peaceful one, and even now, years after the person’s passing, was still affecting my friend deeply.

Over this last weekend, I was privileged to help another person, someone who has had a very hard time adapting to the death of a family member. As we talked together, she came to the realization that some of her deep anger and frustration was because of the loss of the way that family member had made her feel.

She had felt unconditional love from this family member, which was not necessarily what she felt from others in her family. As we talked, it became clear to us that a significant portion of her being ‘stuck’ in her anger was because of the loss of that unconditional love. Understanding this will hopefully help her process through this a little easier now.

This post was almost titled “The dead never leave us”. In truth, we maintain psychological relationships with those who have passed on, good or bad. They may be relationships that are a source of strength, or they may be relationships that continue to hurt us, even though the person is no longer actively hurting us. Mostly, these ongoing relationships are subconscious based, whispering to our souls in a language we understand, but fail to put into words in our conscious mind.

Understanding those relationships, and working through acceptance and forgiveness, can eventually lead us to a peaceful relationship with those who have gone before us. This can be a freeing, powerful and uplifting experience.

Although the dead may have gone onwards, they live in our hearts and especially in our minds.

I think I will write more about this tomorrow. There are things that need to be said and understood.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@losingtowin120