Morning Reflection: What do you do when you are out of balance?

What do you do when you are out of balance?

This week has been tough for me, in that I have had so many competing concerns that I don’t really feel like I’ve given proper attention to anything, except writing my reflections.

But even that has been challenging, as I have struggled to find the right words, sometimes even the right topics for each day. I have probably spent more time staring at the screen in frustration than actually writing, and more time writing reflections that I have eventually erased than I have working on the ones that have made it onto the page.

As I reflect on the truth of my life right now, I find that I am out of balance. My meditation practice this week has been neglected, my personal development has been less focused, and my spiritual life has been given less priority than it should.

In short, I have spent too much time on meeting demands instead of nourishing my dreams, and far too much time focused on my fears, instead of strengthening my foundation.

I constantly struggle with putting my needs before the needs of others. Do you do this?

Partly this is out of a desire to serve, to make a difference. Partly this is out of fear that if I stop giving to others, I will lose those connections as I will no longer be of any worth to them.

But mostly, it is because somewhere in my childhood I generated the belief that I am not important, and that I only have worth when giving to others.

And that belief leads to a loss of balance.

While the needs of others are important, I have to realize that I too am worthy of my compassion, my concern and my caring.

Caring for others, out of a misguided belief that I have little to no worth, hinders my ability to enlarge my soul and progress into the person I am trying to become.

So I struggle everyday to find the right balance, but I know that I must get back to my foundational behaviors if I am to have a stable platform on which to progress.

How do you balance yourself when you are not in alignment?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: An elusive sense of peace

An elusive sense of peace.

In my youth, I craved excitement, adventure, the new, the fast, the different. As I have grown, my desires have changed, as I search for calmness, a wider perspective, a more balanced alignment of my soul.

Yet peace is elusive, and I think I am beginning to understand why. It may be that my requirements for peace are driven by my ego, and not by a sense of reality.

Growing up in a somewhat dysfunctional home, I developed a sense that in order to find peace, I had to have control over everything. Chaos was an ever frequent visitor, and as a child, chaos robbed me of one of my needs, a need for certainty.

In my quest for control, I learned several skills, or behaviors, that sustained me as a child, but as an adult have caused pain for myself and those around me.

I learned to withdraw from uncertainty, which creates strain in my relationships as I fail to open up, be honest and share my true feelings.

I learned to manipulate people; to change their actions towards me in an effort to protect myself. This is something I desperately try to avoid as an adult, yet I find myself doing this as a reflex and I wonder if people really like me, or the manipulations that they see affected in my day to day behaviors. This creates a profound sense of uncertainty.

I learned that in order to achieve peace, I had to avoid risk, which has resulted in massive pain for myself and my family as I wasted almost a decade of my life working in a situation which did not benefit us.

I learned to live with the pain of not living my purpose, trading a potential but uncertain future for a certain but painful now.

As an adult, I continue to struggle with these child-formed beliefs of control, which are fantasies not realities. This behavior continually deprives me of a possible sense of peace, one that is rooted in faith rather than fear, courage rather control, and possibility rather than perfectionism.

Peace, I have found, is far more elusive than I had imagined.

And it is a difficult journey.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: What is Your Purpose?

What is your purpose?

In Latin, there is a phrase, ‘sine qua non’, which translated comes out to “without which there is nothing”. Another way of phrasing this is “that which without”, meaning a core part of something, without which the whole would be pointless or worthless.

Lately, I have come to the realization that what has been missing in my life for so long is alignment with my purpose.

This misalignment has manifested as sadness, being easily distracted, a feeling like every day is that same as the one before, and that life has lost the energy that made it magical.

It has also shown up as confusion, fear, anxiety and, most noticeably, as a feeling of being truly, deeply and profoundly lost.

It is a terrible thing to know exactly where you are, and to know that you are not where you should be, and that you have no idea where that is.

Almost 18 months ago my life changed radically, and I was forced into an ongoing period of uncertainty which haunts me every day. I still feel like I am not where I am supposed to be, but not so much in a geographical sense, more in terms of what I am doing with my life.

In short, I am not in alignment with my purpose. As I struggle to find and align with what I believe is the reason for my existence, there are moments when I feel in alignment and there is a sense of power; a sense of devotion to something greater than myself; an enlightenment of my soul; and access to knowledge that flows through me.

Those moments, fleeting though they are, leave me deeply moved, and full of gratitude for the opportunity to be part of a purpose which is greater than I am.

In trying to align, find balance and serve, I have come to believe that finding out why you are here is the day you really become alive.

While I can’t tell you exactly what my purpose is right now, I am hopeful that I am beginning to understand at least the essential nature of what I will devote the rest of my life to.

Because when you find your reason, your ‘sine-qua-non’, you will understand what your life is about, and I hope that you will serve your cause, your truth, and your passion with everything you have to give.

I truly believe that we all have something to contribute.

To quote Yoda, “luminous beings we are, not this crude matter”.

Your being, is about being you. Authentic, alive and amazing.

Why are you here, and are you living it?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@losingtowin120