As I ponder my relationship with others around me, I realize that I tend to have expectations of people that are often not met. This is often a cause of sadness for me, and in going deeper I am reaching the conclusion that my expectations are often irrational, self serving and based solely on my unfulfilled needs.
Worst of all, my expectations are often a form of transactional living, where I am placing a requirement on someone else to do something or act in a way which they have not implicitly agreed, oftentimes which they don’t even know about it.
Expecting others to act a certain way in order to fill the gaps in my soul in effect reduces them in my mind to an object, someone who needs to act in a certain way in order for me to feel a certain thing. This in turn places a burden upon them, which they do not deserve.
I realize that in living this way, I am not honoring them as a person who has their own divine spark, their own consciousness, and the freedom to live as they want. Expecting someone to provide support for one of my essential human needs, without them having agreed to do so, is to devalue the relationship that I could have with them.
Perhaps in all of my judging, I can find a space in my soul to truly examine why I have these expectations. If I am truly trying to serve someone else, and give without expecting, then I should be grateful for their presence in my life however they choose to participate in my ongoing experience.
Expectations are antithetical to gratitude. Expectations destroy my peace in what is, forever reaching for that which is not and may never be.
If I am honest with myself, my expectation for them is often a manifestation of a need that I have not yet balanced within my soul. My responsibility is to do that in a way that respects others, not reduces them.
And that is not easy.
Dr. Alan Barnes
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